TALKIN': Dating in the Modern Age

A few years ago, I thought about writing a book. Said book was to be called TALKIN'. It is one of my least favorite words to ever arise in the English language (in context of course).  I hate it more than bae and even more than fleek.

Some of you may not be aware of the definition in this context. So, let me break it down so it can forever and consistently be broke (sorry,had to). 

TALKIN' (verb. tahl - kin) - A dating stage that denotes that you and another person are together but it's not an actual relationship. Dating limbo. Dating purgatory. THE WORST. 

As a twenty-something living in America, I have experienced several degrees of "talkin". From the guy who just wants to text me ALL THE TIME to the guy who only wants to see me like once a month. I have even heard a few guys tell their "brilliant" friends that our year worth of love texts, cultural outings and weekend Netflix marathons equated to us "just talkin". In my simple mind, I was said genius' girlfriend. But upon hearing his declaration of us "just talkin", the just making it worse, I knew that this was a situation destined to go very few places. Speaking of situation, I've heard an actual guy refer to his long-time girlfriend as a situation. How Sway?

Now, some people believe that if you wait long enough that the "talkin" stage will end. Is this true? Sometimes. There are folks out there who have emerged from the talkin' stage victorious. I love those people, but I haven't met them. In my limited years and experience, every time I find myself in a "talkin" situation it never ends until I end it or someone "loses their phone and all of their contacts."

You may be saying, "You have to demand it", "You have to tell them you want to move things forward", "You can't wait on them to always make the first move". Did it. Tried it. Moved. Several times. I think "talkers" are just not interested in really dating. :insert quote about not talking about it but being about it here::

Listen, this is a real problem. I know women my age who say they've never had boyfriends. When I think about it, I haven't every really had BOYFRIEND. A guy who has said that I'm his girlfriend and has walked around holding my hand in public in front of his friends and introduced me to his parents. Nope. Never. Not once. I've dated a few guys and have gone on dates, but if I were to classify my relationships, they've all been a different degree of "talkin" or "just talkin".

Maybe it's me. Maybe not. I'm willing to accept either of these truths. Either way, I'm on a mission to obliterate this word and the accompanying actions.

And, no, there's no conclusion here. No, plot twist. I'm just talking.

Let me know if you have thoughts, however. The comments are open or you can tweet me @whitandlove! I'll even listen if you want to tell me about how you went from talkin' to married and now you're skipping around in Story Brooke hand in hand. ::eye roll::


Le sigh.

Always in love,

The List: Selma 50

If you haven't already guessed, I'm completely in love with African-American history. In fact, it was my minor in college and potentially what I plan to study in a post-graduate program. So, there was no way I was missing the Bridge Crossing Jubilee this weekend in Selma in celebration of the 50th anniversary of Bloody Sunday.

I haven't tweeted or posted on Facebook about this experience and I've only posted on Instagram once. I couldn't find the words. I couldn't muster up the courage to speak on something so perfect. Words would just taint it.

But I think I'm ready to share a bit from these two days that forever changed me. Some of what I felt, I want to hold on to like a secret between two young friends. Some of it, I want to wait and tell my (potential) children. It was a sacred moment and I reminded myself periodically throughout those two days not to forget to take it all in. Remember what you smell. Remember who you see. Remember what the sky looked like. 

On Sunday, before we crossed the bridge, I put my phone on airplane mode and stuck it in my backpack. I didn't want to call anyone or text or be tempted to Tweet about it. I just wanted to experience it.

As we crossed the bridge singing, I thanked God for letting me live in this time. I thanked Him for letting me experience this with my brother and sister-in-law. And mostly I thanked him for all of those brave people who thought enough of others to risk life and limb for something we take for granted today. Yes, we were there to celebrate but we were also there to stand in solidarity and to remind the world that we are still fighting for voting rights. It was a sobering moment but also one that filled me with hope.

So, today's list, is a list of one (not sure if that's really a list, but it's my blog lol); dedicated to the person who moved me the most this weekend. I had the honor of meeting him once while in college and this weekend I was so honored to hear him speak again. I hope we never forget his service and sacrifice. He's one of the last living heroes from that era and I pray we fill the remainder of his life with gratitude and love.

1. Congressman John Lewis 

Congressman Lewis pictured here with Selma director Ava Duvernay and actor David Oyelowo

Always in love,